Today, my mood is SUCKS!! Not in good mood at all. Don't know what is wrong with me. Frankly speaking, I don't feel happy or what after I got married. I don't like my 2 kids. I hate being tied down by them. I feel so F*** up! I don't know why. Can I want back my freedom? What can i do to get them back? I hate living here with THIS family. That STUPID LEE XIANG YONG is such an idiot! Throwing tantrums like a lady. He's more like a FEMALE than MALE. Staying at home. Doing nothing. Neither did he go to school nor working. Any woman who married him sure die! Seriously I really LOOK DOWN on him. He always scold my son. I hate my son too. Giving others a chance to scold or shout at him. STUPID!! He always never listen to others. I don't know why I have such child. I don't why God wanna give me such child. I don't like Gracia too. Frankly speaking, I don't intend to have the 2nd child. All this is because of STUPID LEE XIANG MING. He did it in purpose. He never discuss with me about having the 2nd child. Don't you think that it is so unfair to me? Why is this world so unfair? God say He is the rightous one. He say he is always fair. But why to me he is not? I already told God I don't want another child after Nicholas. I hate being tied down. But why? Since He said that his plan is always the best n perfect for us. But I don't feel any perfection about it. So what if Gracia and Nicholas is cute? They are only giving me troubles. So so so regret that I actually didn't go for abortion! I'm serious. So so so REGRET that I got married coz' of the RESPONSIBILITY and NOT coz' of TRUE LOVE. Now I'm feeling so down. The feeling is so hard for me to describe in words. Even if I cry it out also won't help much. Can anyone really know or understand how i feel? I think even Aunty Jenny also don't how I feel.